I had been skinny all my life. Well not all my life, but as long as I can remember. Looking back at baby pictures, people always say what a fat baby I was, but man that disappeared quick. For most of my childhood I was one of the skinniest people I knew. I was always teased about it by the other kids, especially since when I was younger I hung around with my share of chubbies, not on purpose, though looking back it may have something to do with this whole obsession we all seem to share. I vaguely remember at one point, my doctor recommended I actually gain weight because I was so skinny. It is interesting, because it was around the same time I was discovering gainer websites and stories on the internet. I don't remember my mother sticking to this recommendation much, that I drink supplement shakes (like Ensure or something similar). At that point, I think my body starting out puberty was really fighting me with the weight gain, and being so young, there weren't many resources out there for me on the internet. At that point in life there was so much else going on, I didn't really even consider it a possibility that I could actually get bigger.
I can remember that all the other kids would later start filling out more too, muscle or more fat, but there I was, always that skinny kid. But I was different. I didn't want to be this way. I wanted to be like one of those fat guys. I ignored this for a long time, but I know that I wanted it before I even knew I liked guys. In fact this fetish is what helped me come to realize that I was gay. I would browse sites that I don't even remember the names of (probably due to my infamous poor memory). I would fantasize about growing and being fed, and in a case of denial, being fed by women. But always the idea of a guy growing with me was appealing, at first as a buddy to grow with, but later on as a sexual desire as well.
There were always problems though, I could never seem to gain. I come from a mixed family size wise, but everyone who was fat absolutely hated it. My mother was always on a new diet, always trying to get slimming foods. And with 7 people in the house, there were not many scraps leftover in the fridge to indulge in late at night. Though I tried, I eventually chocked it up to fantasy. Sometimes, in desperation to feel larger, I would go into the basement and use my brother's workout equipment, thinking muscle could take the place of this desire and make me feel more normal. Its okay to want to be a big muscle man, and if I couldn't have fat, I'd have that! But that never really worked out either. I've always been bookish, reserved. I would get caught up reading or sketching. I always remained on gaining websites, but I knew that for the time being, it just was not a reality.
Then I went to college.
I was away from home for the first time in my life for a prolonged period. Freedom. Complete, and utter freedom. I should mention that in the summer between High School and College, I had my first true gay experience, and my first sexual encounter of any kind. A late bloomer, I know. At college I was now away from home and able to explore my sexuality, and more importantly, I had the means to finally gain like I had fantasized about for so long. The dining hall. Oh man, the dining hall. Ours was buffet style. All you can eat. It wasn't the best quality food, but there was lots of it. What's more is most of my friends early on (and probably still true now) were straight guys, most of which who were not afraid to get up for seconds, thirds, and sometimes fourths. It was at college I met my current boyfriend. He wasn't going there, oh no, far from it. He lived 80 miles north. We had been talking for a long time online, having met on BigGuts. We finally met, and went to a buffet. Ill never forget my first belly rubs from him, in his father's big red pickup. It was amazing. It cemented this fantasy for me, brought it right down into reality. We saw each other a few more times, but we didn't begin dating till about thanksgiving of that year (in retrospect, very appropriate).
From there on out, things really took off. College life was great, and boy was I fattening up fast. Of course my social life had its awkward moments as friends noticed the once skinny me expanding. The freshman 15 is an understatement, I packed on 50lbs that first year of school with the help of my boyfriend. With constantly increasing capacity, I spent more time at the dining hall than most of my friends, who would often leave without me as I finished up. I remember going home and my mother initially asking if I had been working out, because I looked bigger. That was probably during the December holidays. I came out to my mother and stepfather during that break. I was sneaking off to meet with my boyfriend (and eat) and she thought I was doing drugs and confronted me about it.
The next three years of school were a bit slower gaining wise. I gained about 50lbs more before I graduated. Unfortunately studies took precedence over gaining, and I really didn't have the time I had freshman year. I still kept fattening though, I don't think I ever went down more than 5lbs at a time. It was frustrating at times, as I knew I really wanted more. I've always been a steady gainer after that first year, but never very fast. My senior year really got busy and gaining took a back seat, as it sometimes has to in life, but just remember even though it is in the back seat, it is still there. I graduated in 2012 and with 100lbs added to my once skinny frame.
As a gainer people always ask you "wow what did your family and friends say!?" as if people are going to come up randomly, rub your gut and ask what you're eating. That doesn't happen to most of us in the real world. My mother continually nagged, and nags me. My friends have never said anything. Ever since I attended college I have had the luck of having great friends, who really couldn't care less about my image, as long as I seem happy. A good friend doesn't go "hey you're getting fat! Stop eating so much."
Of course, there's more to tell in this story every day. But this is a story about the initial struggle, that first leap, and its rewarding results. If you are wondering to yourself if you should do something, whether it be gaining or something else, just remember that you are more likely to regret the things you didn't do in life, than the things you did do, and failed at.